Friday, March 29, 2013

The best kind of therapy: Rejection

Meaningless. There's no point. Life is pointless. Why do I keep on going on and on when there is no fucking purpose.

I wanted my head to shut up. But it didn't, it simply got louder.

Why are you still living? You find no pleasure in life! Everything and everyone is lame as hell anyways.

I turned up the volume of my ipod, trying to drown my head out with Nate Reuss' voice (I'd turn gay for this man's voice).

When you're sinking like a stone, CARRY - Oh shutup Nate, you are fucking cheesy as hell.

Not even Nate's sexy voice could save me from the trackless train of thought running thorough my head.

It was at that point suicidal thoughts start to creep in. The first time ever I legitly wanted to kill myself. I thought of my parents, the countless amount of hours they've spent dedicating their life to me. My life flashed before me. Tears; real tears started to come out of my eyes.

 I can't just leave the world like this, it's fucking pathetic.

I was a smart kid with aspirations to make a mark on this world. I wanted to be a scientist, an author, a philothropist. But four years of highschool had left me a shell of a young man: misunderstood, lonely, insecure, purposeless and out of touch with reality. Then, a year and a half of university bunched all those things together, and managed to put me on medication for depression. I really don't want to tread over the meaningless details of how or the pointless analysis of why. I used to. But not anymore.

Shit happens in life. With the help of 5mgs a day of Cirpalex and 30 minutes a day of light therapy, I learned to suck it and man up. Now it's time for me to tackle some real issues.

I know I had some holes in my personality I must fill up. I always lacked an aura of confidence in many social situations, and the fear of rejection often made me an anxious unassertive little bitch. Those are probably traits I have to eliminate right away in order for me to have a life, nevermind being successful.

And there's no better way to do it than this
Rejection Therapy

And this new Terry, freshly out of a depression, can't wait to do this.

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